Eulogy

I am lost. I really am!
The taste of her skin still runs through my lips, and my memories are stuck with her beautiful voice. I stand now in front of her grave.
Her grave is closed, her face I can’t see, yet, she still stands in front of me. 

I am lost. I really am!
Rain still falls, mixing with the tears that gush from my eyes and with tears that gush from my heart. Together they fall, and together with them, fall also the memories of her that I hold so dear in my chest.
Her face, comes and goes from my sight, sometimes dancing, sometimes walking, and other times crying. She was never happy, I recalled. She never was!
All that she ever wanted from me was my hand, a hand that she could grab and pull herself out from that dark room that she locked herself before she died. But I was not there!

I was never close.
To help her, to guide her, and maybe, to save her! I was never there, I was never….
I was out, doing foolish stuff, always around chasing other girls and doing whatnot. But she was always there when I came home. She was always waiting for me, awake, close to the fire. And looking at me with her beautiful blue eyes she would always say, “You look bad,  let me clean you up”.

Ah, she was so beautiful.  And I…well, I was the lucky fool! I was the lucky one who was able to reach the doors of her soul,  and when she saw me there, standing in the cold, she allowed me in. And what did I do? I locked her in, imagine, i locked her inside her own soul. But she never blamed me, she always blamed herself, and further and further hid herself into the dark chambers of her own castle, of her own soul.
Ah, what a fool I was…I let her die, I let her kill herself!
Or…maybe killing herself was all that she could do, in order to escape from the pain that I gave her, in order to escape from the pain I made her go through.
And now, the roses that i brought for her, I slowly lay them down onto her grave, turn my back and leave, and leave a part of me with her… a part that i will never see, never, never again.

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25 thoughts on “Eulogy

      • Well I thought the way you write about love and loving someone is really … touching? Soft and warm… Something like that^^ Sorry if it sounds weird 😀

      • nah, there are no such things as “weird” in this world, at least not when humans are mentioned.
        and actually, it makes me feel kinda good, the way how my words and my soul have the power to make other people feel good and warm. So thank you 😀

      • I just realized recently how much I take my husband for granted and your poem really struck me. I waste so much time being sad (about something he said or didn’t say) instead of just being grateful to have a wonderful person in my life. I just imagined one day visiting his grave and feeling regret. Thanks for the wake up call

  1. Its scary to think that you sort of pin pointed everything I felt when I was still with my ex husband. This is exactly how I felt with him and a part of me died the day he left me for another. That relationship was disastrous but its over and done with now and I am luckily alive. Lovely piece.

  2. WoW! that truly is beautiful and it hit home. My therapist told me years ago the reason my marriage lasted so long was because I was in love with love. I’m relieved that I still am. You write beautifully. I am honoured that you stopped by my blog. Thank you.

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